In other news, the Lakers and Mitch Kupchak agree to a multiyear contract extension . . . . .
"Hey Mitch, I'll need you to stand up in front of our fans, season ticket holders, and the players, and let them know that Mike D'Antoni will remain as coach."
"Our team, and our coach suck. I don't get paid enough to soil my reputation like that."
"OK, we're all making money here no matter what drek we put on the floor for the time being. We need to buy some time until we get those free agents signed, and get a super high lottery pick this summer. We'll give you another five years on top of what you already have left on your current contract."
"Nobody really wants to play here anymore, and our chances of getting a truly great lottery pick are VERY slim. . . . . . OK, deal. I'm already gonads deep in this mess. I may as well get mine and ride off into the sunset. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to get my entire wardrobe Scotch-guarded."